August 9, 2010


Title: Aisha
Year: 2010

Cast: Sonam Kapoor, Abhay Deol, Amrita Puri, Ira Dubey, Cyrus Sahukar, Yuri, Arunodhay Singh, Lisa Haydon, Anuradha Patel.

I saw this the day it came out. If you've read my blog before, you know that I am not a Sonam Kapoor fan. After the movie, seen with the lovely and charming tweeters Cynthia and Joe, I found that my favorite part was the credits (where ALL the characters came and danced in a wedding, and looked v fun)- but a movie has to be poor if all you remember are the credits, right? And yet, I wanted to give her and the movie a chance, and not to let my prejudices get the better of me. So I slept over it. And then some.

The story is summarized right here, as Austen wrote it:
Aisha is decent, but could be so much more than it was.

I cant believe what the editor was thinking, but this may be how that conversation went between the Editor and Anil/Sonam/Sonam's sister Kapoor (ASS K.):

ASS K.: Lets make sure Sonam is in every frame, accha?
Editor: Oh OK

[movie rolling from the beginning]
ASS K.: Excellent opportunity to focus on her beauty- and a funny way to intro the characters.
Editor: if you are not going to give Yuri any dialogues ever, why is he in the credits?
ASS K.: Cos she will date his kid!
Editor: Oh OK.

[movie rolling]
ASS K.: Focus on her face! figure! body! Clothes! Lets cut out Lisa's bits from here- no one wants to know whyyy she is in Delhi, do they?
Editor: But when later in the movie her CD is bring promoted, wont it be a bit of a disconnect?
ASS K.: Naah.
Editor: And in the end credits, its Lisa's wedding and she is dressed in Keralite fashion. Isn't that a disconnect? And should the bride be a background dancer???
ASS K.: [meaningful glare]
Editor: Oh OK

[movie rolling]
Editor: (persistently) But Lisa looks like the love child of Angelina, Bipasha and Megan Fox! Are u sure??? at least use her in the promos, no??
ASS K.: [meaningful silence]
Editor: Oh OK

[movie rolling]
Editor: "Hey we cant cut out Ira, Amrita, Cyrus and Arunodhay so completely out of the picture after the 1/2 way pt! They're really good, and have so much more energy than...."
ASS K.: [meaningful , quelling glare]
Editor: Oh OK

[movie rolling]
Editor: "Sonam's monologues and that song post interval get really dragging. Imma gonna edit a bit..."
ASS K.: [meaningful glare]
Editor: Oh OK

[movie rolling]
Editor: "Isn't it out of character for Abhay to be spouting those boring dialogues?'
ASS K.: [Hush, he is saying them to her! He's being paid to say it! AND isn't she lurvely???]
Editor: Oh OK

Editing ends. The ASS trio leave.
In a moment of madness, the editor flips back the film to ensure Sonam's cellulite- riddled thighs and butt are in full view in the hospital scene, and stalks out in impotent triumph.

Austen's ghost is probably retching in her grave. Heck Clueless' ghost is probably retching in movie heaven (Netflix).

If you have stayed away so far, continue to stay away from wherever this is playing.


Banno said...

The film would have definitely been better with less Sonam. This seems to be the malady of all big films now. If you have a star, you must use them in every scene. Unfortunately, not too many stars can hold the screen for the entire length of the film. Certainly not Sonam. And certainly not Sonam in high fashion. :)

Shweta Mehrotra Gahlawat said...

Banno: If she would get some acting and speech lessons now- that would help! Heck good ol college speech 101 would her her :)

Filmi Girl said...

I'm soooooooo glad I missed this one! Thank you, traffic jam on 66 for preventing me from getting to the theater!

(And is there really an unflattering shot of her butt?! That is hilarious!!!!)

Shweta Mehrotra Gahlawat said...

FilmiGirl: The movie isn't bad- its just not memorable, because there is tons of room for improvement. And yes, the shot is VERY unflattering- the butt is a mere glimpse, but the thigh is the most cellulite-filled ever- I was kinda shocked. I should clarify that the cellulite's presence doesn't shock me, but the fact that it was not edited out did. Plus its just more proof that some really unhealthy dieting is going on there :)

Beth Loves Bollywood said...

Oh no! Bleh1 I'm sure I'll still watch it on DVD since it's Austen-related, but....

I think more films deserve your ASS-K planning conversation treatment :)

Shweta Mehrotra Gahlawat said...

Beth! I am honestly really worried about ur watching it; knowing full well ur love for the Austen. The supporting cast will help distract u though :) Thank you for the encouragement re: ASS K.- Ive been feeling guilty of overt-snarkiness :D

Anonymous said...

Saw the movie on it's release date in Mumbai, the funniest bits were not in the movie, it was the comments made by the all Indian audience - They did not like the movie!!

Shweta Mehrotra Gahlawat said...

Anonymous: Thanks you for your comment. I think the audience is highly intelligent! Directors and producers need to stop blaming the audience for "not understanding" the movie for its failure. A bad product shouldn't be well received anyway.

Bombay Talkies said...

I'm still going to try to catch this one, just to see Abhay. :) I'm not a huge Sonam fan, but I didn't mind her in Delhi 6 so we'll see how grating the "all Sonam, all the time" bit gets to be. Hopefully it'll show up on Netflix.