May 24, 2007

Random Auditor-style Humor

Something my colleague Alice (she is beginning to get regular honorary mentions here) forwarded; read on and enjoy (or conversely, rue an auditor's sense of humor):


  • Chuck Norris does not accrue for expenses…he accrues for pain
  • Chuck Norris does not use binders…all his workpapers are held together by hairs from his beard
  • Chuck Norris does not use a ruler when making "power tickmarks"…. he naturally draws perfectly straight lines
  • What’s in Chuck Norris’ snack drawer? Two words…baby kittens.
  • Chuck Norris has a hard drive…but it doesn’t refer to what’s in his computer.
  • Chuck Norris takes a 15 minute coffee break every 5 minutes
  • When a partner asked if the client had any other long-term liabilities…Norris simply held up his fists
  • If Chuck gets tired during the day he takes a nap….on the CEOs desk
  • How does Chuck Norris test fixed assets? Answer: with a bottle of super glue and an ambitious hand
  • Chuck Norris audits in the dark
  • Chuck celebrates the end of each audit by burning the client’s house down. Why? Cause its just what Chuck likes to do.
  • How does Chuck Norris hole punch? Answer: with a shotgun and an extremely accurate aim
  • Chuck Norris not only assigns useful lives….he takes them away
  • Chuck Norris does not have to dial 9 first
  • Chuck Norris erases pencil marks with his beard…it erases pen too
  • If he finds an exception, Chuck Norris amortizes pain over the remaining useful life of the client
  • Chuck Norris has a full time plumber assigned to him for when he uses the restroom
  • Chuck Norris irons his shirts with a blowtorch and a rusty piece of sheet metal
  • Chuck Norris’ posting threshold for pain….unlimited.
  • Chuck Norris highlights in black

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